Monday, March 19, 2012

Taking My Promised Land

I've been doing this daily scripture reading with some friends of mine. The last few have been about the Israelites, the promised land, and their reluctance to take it because they feared the Canaanites more than they trusted God.

We have talked a lot about our personal reluctance or inability to walk in our promised lands due to doubt and disobedience. And it occurred to me today that I am living in my promised land; or at least part of it. And it is a land flowing with milk and honey but I am living as a captive NOT as one who possesses this land by the grace of God!

See I have two huge character flaws, selfishness and laziness. And the place they do the most damage is my home life. Because of these two traits I am a horrible housekeeper and I am sorely lacking on the motherhood front as well. I adore my son but I am a terrible disciplinarian and don't spend enough QUALITY time with Ben-even though I don't work and am with him almost all the time.

To make matters worse, or my self condemnation deeper, all I have ever wanted in life was to be a wife and mother, and God chose not only to fulfill that dream but even went a step further in blessing me with a husband that works incredibly hard to provide for our family so that I can be a stay at home mom.

My lack of success in these two areas are not a big secret to those who know me well and it's not something I deny, but I don't try hard enough to overcome them either. I'm usually wishing God would just magically transform me overnight or too busy listening to Satan telling me that nothing will ever change and I will never be any different.

Don't get me wrong, I do try to change, try to be better. I constantly read books about these subjects, I love day planners, schedules and to-do lists and use them in an attempt to better manage my time and just BE better at my *job*! And things do change, for a day or two maybe even a week or two but sooner or later the dishes pile back up, the laundry takes over the garage and the TV becomes the baby-sitter. Which leads me to question all too often why God chose me to be a mother when I am so bad at it and yet my older sister-who would make an incredible mom will never have kids of her own? And it makes me wallow in guilt and self pity.

But here's the truth:

THIS "promised land" was promised by and GIVEN to me by my
God, my Father. Might, power and majesty are just a few of HIS character traits!

Like the Israelites, this land is mine for the taking-which means I have to TAKE it. That is going to involve a battle, a fight which will require effort on my part-not just wishing for a magical moment of possession. And a big part of that fight is having the courage & wisdom to walk in the truth that Satan is a punk & a liar!

Though I can't see the big picture and I do sometimes question His choices, ultimately I know that God does not make mistakes; He knew what He was doing when he gave me the privilege of being Steve's wife and Ben's mom-which means I DO have the ability to successfully care for my home and my family

But mostly I have to remember that as God assured the Israelites the He would go before them and fight FOR them, I have to remember that I share that same covenant because I too am His!

God IS my victory and He IS here!

Father forgive me for living as a slave when you paid such a high price to free me. Help me to fight for this land each day knowing its Your power and strength that have already won the victory and I simply have to walk in the places You have provided for me, with the constant knowledge that this is all about You! I can do nothing apart from You and it is You will redeem this mess into a godly mother and homemaker not for my benefit-or even my families sake but for YOUR glory and renown!

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