Dying for Beauty

My husband, Steve and I are on vacation in Las Vegas right now. In reality, 98% of the population at large is made up of your average Joes. The ones wearing the "I'm with Stupid" shirts, carrying an extra 5-15lbs, bad hair days, sandals with socks, and the ones that just look like your next door neighbor. But I rarely see them, the ones that always catch my attention are those people. you know, the beautiful ones. Those girls with the perfect skin, brilliantly white teeth, perfectly cut & styled hair and the size 6 body in the most stylish clothes that make them look like they just stepped off the cover of Vogue-or Maxim (I am in Vegas remember!)

Yesterday we went down to the pool and of course I was subjected to looking at many of these beautiful women and you can see by the picture above what I look like these days.

When I was in High School I did not have skin issues. Maybe a pimple or two but for the most part, my complexion was flawless. At 26 the adult acne hit-I just turned 40 in March. I have tried just about everything out there to deal with it. It ebbs and flows but I rarely have times where my face is completely clear. For the past two months or so, I have been in the middle of a horrible outbreak that I cannot put a dent in.

I am vain. I hate looking in the mirror and seeing this reflection looking back at me, Some days I just want to scream and cry over the injustice of dealing with a "teenagers" issue at 40. Some days I do scream and cry over it. And I won't even get into my weight issues.

But then there is that voice in my heart. My creator telling me that he only makes art-not junk. The Holy Spirit who asks how dare I curse the temple in which He resides, and my Savior reminding me that my purpose here is to tell the world about Him and my appearance does not change that in any way.

1 Peter 3: 3-4 says "Do not let your adornment be merely outward-arranging the hair, wearing gold or fine apparel, rather let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is very precious in the sight of God."

Puts a whole new spin on it right? So yay I'm free from all the worries about how I look!

If only it were that easy.

Real beauty comes by death. Death to self, death to giving credence the worlds standards of any part of life, death to anything that makes me forget for even a single moment that the only thing that will make me truly beautiful is a heart that is genuinely seeking God's will EVERY moment of EVERY day, and that gentle and quiet spirit that rests in the absolute assurance of HIS beauty, grace and truth.

But death is not easy, and it's never quick. As I ask Him everyday to help me let go of this, that I want so much to be sold out only to Him and His calling on my life He puts me to the test.

Our first day here, I resolved not to even think about my appearance but just enjoy my vacation & this time with my husband. We went to see Phantom that night and this really nice lady was sitting alone next to us. We hit it off as we had lots in common, she was from Arkansas and loved Phantom as much as I do. Then at the end of the show as we were leaving she turns to me and says "my husband and I run a dermatology clinic in Hot Springs, come see us, and we can make your skin beautiful."

Really? I asked God "now what am I to make of that?" His response: It's simple. I have a choice. I can continue to run after every lead for a cure to my acne or I can run after my God and HIS truth. Not easy by any means, but the thing is both roads lead to death. The death of my spirit or the death of my vanity. It's just deciding which death is more worthwhile.